sweep me away: undeniably heartbroken

as each day passes i push back the tears that will soon fall from my eyes in excess.

the past 4 years have been incredible...blessed...not always perfect but close...and of course full of laughter.

i feel that this forced separation of best friends is not fair.

i am utterly devastated.

each day i reject the thought that it is one day closer to the end.

the 12 favorites have made me into the person i am today...so i ask myself: how will i go on with out them.

all i want to do is lie down and beg time to stop.

...but since i constantly try to speak truth to myself i realize that we only have a short time in every stage of life.

enjoy EVERY second, minute, hour, day, weekend...

i despise the fact that each laugh we have or perfect moment experienced we have to stop and ask will this be our last?

God why do i have to choose?

i want to turn around!

as i sit here and write this with tears falling down my face i know that each second, minute, hour...with my 12 unbelievable besties, were worth the pain i am feeling now

i am also realizing that nothing will ever be the same but God is good and i pray that these friendships last a life time.

to my 12 favorites, you know who you are, and know that i have deeply cherished every single moment i have had with y'all and y'all have changed me for the better leaving me ready to face a dying world with open arms and an open heart.

"First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is proclaimed in all the world. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I mention you always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God's will I may now at last succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you-- that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine."

Romans 1:8-12