hopes and dreams.

today i am aware.

i am aware that my hopes and dreams lay in His hands.

i feel it.

i feel Him cradling everything i am, everything i want, everything i hope for, everything i'm not.

i feel my hands tied. there is nothing i can do to make my hopes and dreams come true.

all i can do is hope in and follow Him.

he knows how badly i want...to be a wife, mother, servant, encourager, light in darkness...

he knows...

how badly i want to love his creation.

how badly i want to touch the face of the unloved and rejected. clean the feet of the unwanted.

of my heartache for the orphans in the world.

i am tasting and feeling the lack of control i have over...EVERYTHING.

control freak is not a phrase i use to define myself but i guess we all have some control freak in us when is comes to our dreams and desires.

what a blessing that we don't have to explain our heart to Him...he just knows.

all we can do is...

trust.

i hear Him saying trust me.

trust me with your hopes. dreams. desires.

i find comfort in knowing that if i am never a mother or wife that He will fill that desire in other ways.

for now all i can do is ... jump.

jump into His embrace.

jump into His glory, mercy, love.

i close my eyes and picture myself falling. falling into Him.

getting lost in Him.

loving Him. knowing Him. trusting Him.

i have been crucified with Christ; it it no longer i who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life i now live in the body i live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. galatians 2:20

i am humbled. i am reminded.

my life is not my own.

i will waste my life...

it is good for me that i am afflicted,

that i might learn your statues.

psalm 119:71